To answer Kate's question ...
posted by Sherry @ 5/28/2008 02:09:00 PM
6 comments
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Saturday, May 03, 2008
26 Days remaining
We're down to less than a month before our little miracle arrives - a mere 26 days.
We've been busy working on the nursery and taking care of all the little odds 'n' ends that pop into your mind to do before your life forever changes.
The nursery is almost complete. A friend is putting the finishing touches on the curtains she made and we're awaiting the arrival of puffy-lettered artwork which spells out Gummy's name. It was really weird to watch the room's transformation from a clearly boy's room to a girly-girl room. If I hadn't seen the progression with my own eyes, I wouldn't have thought it possible.
At my latest OB appointment on Thursday, once again everything was great. My OB decided that at 36 weeks (this Wednesday), he'd like to start weekly non-stress tests. He's not suggesting them because he's alarmed about anything, but, rather, he wants to keep our level of confidence up till the 29th, as he knows how anxious both Mike and I have been. I love that man and how he doesn't take any of my concerns or worries for granted.
Last Monday I took a breastfeeding class to better prepare myself for the unknown. The instructor was one of the labor and delivery nurses from the maternity center where I delivered Ryan and where we'll be delivering Gummy. She didn't immediately recognize me, but once I reintroduced myself, she remembered me from the morning I was discharged because I was ready to take on the world just 18 hours after my C-section, when many women aren't ready to get out of bed, much less walk around on their own. It was a little disarming at first to once again see someone from "that time," but once it had time to sink in, I felt encouraged by seeing her again and at the end of the night, she gave us both a big hug and wished us the best.
Mike has totally embraced the idea of having a little girl to adore and pamper. He's found (and bought) all sorts of cute outfits and already, this little one has him wrapped around her little finger. I have a strong feeling that she'll quickly become his #1 girl and I'll be ousted to second place. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I did have a moment of panic a few weeks ago, because our digital camera completely crapped out on us. It was the equivalent of a computer's blue screen of death. But, thanks to my husband's resourceful online searching, he found that the camera's manufacturer is aware of this problem and will make the repair at no cost to us. The part about all of this that had me most concerned was the turnaround time in getting the camera back to us. The original estimation for repair was three weeks, putting us at May 17, which, honestly, was a little too close for my comfort. But, the manufacturer, hopefully due to Mike's urgent phone plea, will have the camera back in our hands by Tuesday at the latest. Phew ... crisis averted. Now is not the time for a new camera crash course! So, once the camera is back in my anxious little hands, you can bet there will be plenty of photos to share.
My dad has been on my mind a lot lately. It all started last weekend while watching one of those "top 100 one-hit wonder" music shows and one of my dad's favorite songs - Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum - was among the countdown. It had never been a song I particularly cared for and was before my time, but it was one that my dad grew especially fond of in the last few weeks of his life. So now whenever I hear it, my thoughts immediately go to him and how I wish he were here to share in our joy. He was by far one of our biggest and most supportive cheerleaders and constantly reminded me that we could not and should not let Ryan's death defeat us in our attempts to have a family. "Do not let this defeat you," was a phrase I heard many times over and I would give almost anything to hear him utter it just one more time. No worries, dad. For once I listened to your advice.
We've been busy working on the nursery and taking care of all the little odds 'n' ends that pop into your mind to do before your life forever changes.
The nursery is almost complete. A friend is putting the finishing touches on the curtains she made and we're awaiting the arrival of puffy-lettered artwork which spells out Gummy's name. It was really weird to watch the room's transformation from a clearly boy's room to a girly-girl room. If I hadn't seen the progression with my own eyes, I wouldn't have thought it possible.
At my latest OB appointment on Thursday, once again everything was great. My OB decided that at 36 weeks (this Wednesday), he'd like to start weekly non-stress tests. He's not suggesting them because he's alarmed about anything, but, rather, he wants to keep our level of confidence up till the 29th, as he knows how anxious both Mike and I have been. I love that man and how he doesn't take any of my concerns or worries for granted.
Last Monday I took a breastfeeding class to better prepare myself for the unknown. The instructor was one of the labor and delivery nurses from the maternity center where I delivered Ryan and where we'll be delivering Gummy. She didn't immediately recognize me, but once I reintroduced myself, she remembered me from the morning I was discharged because I was ready to take on the world just 18 hours after my C-section, when many women aren't ready to get out of bed, much less walk around on their own. It was a little disarming at first to once again see someone from "that time," but once it had time to sink in, I felt encouraged by seeing her again and at the end of the night, she gave us both a big hug and wished us the best.
Mike has totally embraced the idea of having a little girl to adore and pamper. He's found (and bought) all sorts of cute outfits and already, this little one has him wrapped around her little finger. I have a strong feeling that she'll quickly become his #1 girl and I'll be ousted to second place. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I did have a moment of panic a few weeks ago, because our digital camera completely crapped out on us. It was the equivalent of a computer's blue screen of death. But, thanks to my husband's resourceful online searching, he found that the camera's manufacturer is aware of this problem and will make the repair at no cost to us. The part about all of this that had me most concerned was the turnaround time in getting the camera back to us. The original estimation for repair was three weeks, putting us at May 17, which, honestly, was a little too close for my comfort. But, the manufacturer, hopefully due to Mike's urgent phone plea, will have the camera back in our hands by Tuesday at the latest. Phew ... crisis averted. Now is not the time for a new camera crash course! So, once the camera is back in my anxious little hands, you can bet there will be plenty of photos to share.
My dad has been on my mind a lot lately. It all started last weekend while watching one of those "top 100 one-hit wonder" music shows and one of my dad's favorite songs - Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum - was among the countdown. It had never been a song I particularly cared for and was before my time, but it was one that my dad grew especially fond of in the last few weeks of his life. So now whenever I hear it, my thoughts immediately go to him and how I wish he were here to share in our joy. He was by far one of our biggest and most supportive cheerleaders and constantly reminded me that we could not and should not let Ryan's death defeat us in our attempts to have a family. "Do not let this defeat you," was a phrase I heard many times over and I would give almost anything to hear him utter it just one more time. No worries, dad. For once I listened to your advice.
posted by Sherry @ 5/03/2008 05:40:00 PM
2 comments
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Where we are
Checking in at a little over five weeks to go till Gummy's birthday. Still seems very surreal to think that, much less say it.
Despite how bittersweet it was to disassemble Ryan's nursery and paint over the old colors, it's done. We finally did it. It wasn't pleasant, but once we bucked up and made ourselves do it, we both went into automatic pilot mode and just did what needed to be done.
It took quite a bit of primering to cover the old colors (slate blue and tan), so it was a slow go at first. But, now that the very girly colors of lavender and pale pink are up, it's quite a sense of accomplishment to look in there and truly see how far we've come in the last month. Again, a very surreal feeling, that we're preparing the nursery once again for another of our baby's homecoming.
I stood in the nursery today, feeling surprisingly good about our progress and attitude, and I couldn't help but say aloud, "Please don't let all this work be for naught ... again." We're preparing and expecting to bring Gummy home, but there's still that tiny part of me that's afraid that this is all too good to be true. I don't know that I'll ever shake off that fear until we walk through the front door with her in our arms.
Physically, I'm hanging in there; just the usual end-of-pregnancy aches and pains. Mentally is another story altogether. My sleep has been terribly disrupted and initially the cause was thought to be enlarged mucous membranes in my throat. I was hesitant to believe that was "all" that was amiss, since I've never awoken during the night, gasping to catch my breath, due to a sinus problem. After several unsuccessful attempts at improving the situation (nasal strips, running the vaporizer, sleeping elevated and/or on my side), I consulted the OB's office. My OB was unavailable (he splits his time between two offices), but the nurse suggested trying Benadryl. I thought it was a long shot, but tried it anyway; what did I have to lose? Again, no luck.
At my appointment last Monday, I addressed this again with my OB, stating that it concerned me because this didn't seem normal or sinus related - and I really need to get some restful sleep rather than napping. After asking me several questions to rule out other causes or conditions, he decided that these episodes are most likely due to anxiety; it seems I'm having panic attacks while I sleep. Lovely. I guess I do a pretty good job of acting like I'm doing alright during the day, but my subconscious has other plans for me when it's time for bed. My OB suggested Tylenol PM and it seems to work - or, at least, I'm sleeping for longer stretches than I had been and I'm not waking up trying to catch my breath.
I can't say I'm surprised by this, because I've been a panicky mess for the last week or so. It seems that all the stress and fear from the first trimester has revisited me three-fold and all I do is worry about this little soul I've grown to love and have gotten to know so well over the last eight months. We're so close to the end of this journey and I'm frightened beyond belief that something - anything - is going to take her away. At the end of each day, I thank my lucky stars that she's still with me ... and I heave a gigantic sign of relief each morning at 4, when she starts her daily tumbles and rolls in her safe little home.
That's the latest on us. Unless our little miracle has other plans, we'll be wishing her a happy birthday at 7:30am on May 29.
Despite how bittersweet it was to disassemble Ryan's nursery and paint over the old colors, it's done. We finally did it. It wasn't pleasant, but once we bucked up and made ourselves do it, we both went into automatic pilot mode and just did what needed to be done.
It took quite a bit of primering to cover the old colors (slate blue and tan), so it was a slow go at first. But, now that the very girly colors of lavender and pale pink are up, it's quite a sense of accomplishment to look in there and truly see how far we've come in the last month. Again, a very surreal feeling, that we're preparing the nursery once again for another of our baby's homecoming.
I stood in the nursery today, feeling surprisingly good about our progress and attitude, and I couldn't help but say aloud, "Please don't let all this work be for naught ... again." We're preparing and expecting to bring Gummy home, but there's still that tiny part of me that's afraid that this is all too good to be true. I don't know that I'll ever shake off that fear until we walk through the front door with her in our arms.
Physically, I'm hanging in there; just the usual end-of-pregnancy aches and pains. Mentally is another story altogether. My sleep has been terribly disrupted and initially the cause was thought to be enlarged mucous membranes in my throat. I was hesitant to believe that was "all" that was amiss, since I've never awoken during the night, gasping to catch my breath, due to a sinus problem. After several unsuccessful attempts at improving the situation (nasal strips, running the vaporizer, sleeping elevated and/or on my side), I consulted the OB's office. My OB was unavailable (he splits his time between two offices), but the nurse suggested trying Benadryl. I thought it was a long shot, but tried it anyway; what did I have to lose? Again, no luck.
At my appointment last Monday, I addressed this again with my OB, stating that it concerned me because this didn't seem normal or sinus related - and I really need to get some restful sleep rather than napping. After asking me several questions to rule out other causes or conditions, he decided that these episodes are most likely due to anxiety; it seems I'm having panic attacks while I sleep. Lovely. I guess I do a pretty good job of acting like I'm doing alright during the day, but my subconscious has other plans for me when it's time for bed. My OB suggested Tylenol PM and it seems to work - or, at least, I'm sleeping for longer stretches than I had been and I'm not waking up trying to catch my breath.
I can't say I'm surprised by this, because I've been a panicky mess for the last week or so. It seems that all the stress and fear from the first trimester has revisited me three-fold and all I do is worry about this little soul I've grown to love and have gotten to know so well over the last eight months. We're so close to the end of this journey and I'm frightened beyond belief that something - anything - is going to take her away. At the end of each day, I thank my lucky stars that she's still with me ... and I heave a gigantic sign of relief each morning at 4, when she starts her daily tumbles and rolls in her safe little home.
That's the latest on us. Unless our little miracle has other plans, we'll be wishing her a happy birthday at 7:30am on May 29.
posted by Sherry @ 4/20/2008 08:36:00 PM
6 comments
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Crying a river ... or two
I completely underestimated how unbelievably difficult it would be to tear Ryan's nursery to shreds. I know we're doing all the conversion for a good, promising reason, but that doesn't lessen the sting of tearing away at the plans and dreams we once had for our little boy.
Of Mike and myself, I've been the "strong" one to this point and have been able to go in there to organize and put away Ryan's effects. But, when it came to taking the pictures off the walls and packing up his bedding, Mike proved to be the stronger of the two of us, because I just could not muster that kind of strength to do what needed to be done. My grief became too raw and I was a sobbing mess, once again.
And, I'm riddled with guilt, because by this point in my pregnancy with Ryan, his nursery was completely finished and all his clothing and blankies were washed and ready to be used. But, this time, we're just now going in there to paint and I haven't washed a single item of Gummy's. Everything we've bought still has tags attached and the receipts are tucked safely away in a drawer, just in case. I'm not yet ready to take that leap into the unknown for fear of the unknown once again swallowing me and my dreams.
The end of this pregnancy is becoming more and more trying, as my level of fear is climbing and my confidence is waning. We're so close to finally grabbing that brass ring, but it could be yanked away from us in a heartbeat just as it was before.
How in the world can I finally believe that this could all really happen, with a happy ending intact?
Of Mike and myself, I've been the "strong" one to this point and have been able to go in there to organize and put away Ryan's effects. But, when it came to taking the pictures off the walls and packing up his bedding, Mike proved to be the stronger of the two of us, because I just could not muster that kind of strength to do what needed to be done. My grief became too raw and I was a sobbing mess, once again.
And, I'm riddled with guilt, because by this point in my pregnancy with Ryan, his nursery was completely finished and all his clothing and blankies were washed and ready to be used. But, this time, we're just now going in there to paint and I haven't washed a single item of Gummy's. Everything we've bought still has tags attached and the receipts are tucked safely away in a drawer, just in case. I'm not yet ready to take that leap into the unknown for fear of the unknown once again swallowing me and my dreams.
The end of this pregnancy is becoming more and more trying, as my level of fear is climbing and my confidence is waning. We're so close to finally grabbing that brass ring, but it could be yanked away from us in a heartbeat just as it was before.
How in the world can I finally believe that this could all really happen, with a happy ending intact?
posted by Sherry @ 3/30/2008 04:13:00 PM
8 comments
Monday, March 17, 2008
An almost 29-week update
I had another routine OB appointment this morning, as well as my glucose screening, and I'm happy to report that all is still well. I'll know the results of my glucose test in a few days and hopefully I'll pass with flying colors.
Gummy is actually measuring a little ahead at just over 30 weeks, but it's no cause for concern. Although, it could account for the almost two-pound weight gain I experienced in the two weeks since my last appointment. Oops. But, again, everything else is normal, so I'm not going to fret over little discrepancies like that.
My OB today confirmed that Gummy's birth day will be May 29, at the earliest surgery time he can get.
Wow.
This is all coming into much sharper focus. In just over ten weeks, I'll be meeting my little girl. Our little miracle.
I've been wrestling with some feelings of unrest concerning having a scheduled C-section. There is that dreamy part of me that longs to have a vaginal delivery. But, the practical side of me doesn't see the point in tempting fate and knows that a C-section is a very wise choice - especially since my labor didn't progress last time and attempting a VBAC is risky in itself.
I discussed this with my OB this morning, and he agreed that a C-section is the smartest way to proceed with Gummy's delivery. I have a different set of risks and concerns than many women, and he strongly feels that the best scenario is to have a C-section with its controlled environment. Attempting a VBAC could turn emergent at any time and he just does not want me to have that kind of worry.
I felt better after discussing this with my OB. I guess I needed that validation that this was the most sensible decision considering our history and I wasn't a wuss for conceding to that logic. Getting our baby here in the safest way possible is more important than any longing I may have. After all, her safe arrival is a successful delivery in my book, regardless of the manner in which it happens.
---------------
I went to the fabric store on Saturday with a co-worker of Mike's who will be making some items for the nursery. It was a lot of fun selecting fabrics, but scary too. The trip reaffirmed that we're truly invested in and believe that we'll bring a baby home this time. I can't try to deny it any longer. I've opened up my heart, making myself vulnerable once again. It took a while to happen, but it's wide open and there's no turning back. Please don't let it get crushed again.
---------------
Mike and I have been slowly painting sections in our house - tomorrow will be five years that we've been here and the majority is still painted in builder white. Even though we thought we'd take the low road regarding painting the nursery, we realized that my ever-growing belly isn't getting any smaller and is becoming a bigger obstacle. So, we may end up repainting the nursery sooner rather than later so I'm not leaving tummy prints on the freshly painted walls. (Okay, I admit that I did do this once - just once - over the weekend.)
---------------
This upcoming weekend we have our 3/D ultrasound. We're both very excited about seeing Gummy again and can't wait to see how much she's changed since our last scan. Plus, our big ultrasound wasn't as "fun" as it is for most couples, with so much looming over us regarding her heart, so we're looking forward to a more relaxed appointment. I wonder if she'll have my chubby cheeks - either or both chubby sets.
---------------
And, some gratuitious belly shots:
For comparison, at 25 weeks:
And, at 28 weeks, looking rather weary:
As much as I've been enjoying this ride, I'll be glad to step off.
Gummy is actually measuring a little ahead at just over 30 weeks, but it's no cause for concern. Although, it could account for the almost two-pound weight gain I experienced in the two weeks since my last appointment. Oops. But, again, everything else is normal, so I'm not going to fret over little discrepancies like that.
My OB today confirmed that Gummy's birth day will be May 29, at the earliest surgery time he can get.
Wow.
This is all coming into much sharper focus. In just over ten weeks, I'll be meeting my little girl. Our little miracle.
I've been wrestling with some feelings of unrest concerning having a scheduled C-section. There is that dreamy part of me that longs to have a vaginal delivery. But, the practical side of me doesn't see the point in tempting fate and knows that a C-section is a very wise choice - especially since my labor didn't progress last time and attempting a VBAC is risky in itself.
I discussed this with my OB this morning, and he agreed that a C-section is the smartest way to proceed with Gummy's delivery. I have a different set of risks and concerns than many women, and he strongly feels that the best scenario is to have a C-section with its controlled environment. Attempting a VBAC could turn emergent at any time and he just does not want me to have that kind of worry.
I felt better after discussing this with my OB. I guess I needed that validation that this was the most sensible decision considering our history and I wasn't a wuss for conceding to that logic. Getting our baby here in the safest way possible is more important than any longing I may have. After all, her safe arrival is a successful delivery in my book, regardless of the manner in which it happens.
---------------
I went to the fabric store on Saturday with a co-worker of Mike's who will be making some items for the nursery. It was a lot of fun selecting fabrics, but scary too. The trip reaffirmed that we're truly invested in and believe that we'll bring a baby home this time. I can't try to deny it any longer. I've opened up my heart, making myself vulnerable once again. It took a while to happen, but it's wide open and there's no turning back. Please don't let it get crushed again.
---------------
Mike and I have been slowly painting sections in our house - tomorrow will be five years that we've been here and the majority is still painted in builder white. Even though we thought we'd take the low road regarding painting the nursery, we realized that my ever-growing belly isn't getting any smaller and is becoming a bigger obstacle. So, we may end up repainting the nursery sooner rather than later so I'm not leaving tummy prints on the freshly painted walls. (Okay, I admit that I did do this once - just once - over the weekend.)
---------------
This upcoming weekend we have our 3/D ultrasound. We're both very excited about seeing Gummy again and can't wait to see how much she's changed since our last scan. Plus, our big ultrasound wasn't as "fun" as it is for most couples, with so much looming over us regarding her heart, so we're looking forward to a more relaxed appointment. I wonder if she'll have my chubby cheeks - either or both chubby sets.
---------------
And, some gratuitious belly shots:
For comparison, at 25 weeks:
And, at 28 weeks, looking rather weary:
As much as I've been enjoying this ride, I'll be glad to step off.
posted by Sherry @ 3/17/2008 08:56:00 PM
7 comments
