Ryan was here ...

My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Remembering my babies

I will never forget my babies who were with me for too brief a time.

Please, light a candle on October 15th at 7pm to honor all the little souls who left too soon. Allow your candle to burn for at least an hour, which ensures that a continuous wave of light will wash over the world in honor of this special day and our babies.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Sunken treasure

After the ultimate demise of Mike's computer, we discovered that we had lots of unbacked-up files that were forever lost. Unfortunately, included on that list of files that got sucked into the black hole were pictures from the middle of my pregnancy with Ryan.

There were approximately a hundred pictures we had uploaded to his computer. At the time when the pictures were taken, most of them seemed superfluous and would mean nothing to anyone besides myself and Mike. Still, I was terribly disappointed that those files were gone because it was a piece of proof to my son's existence.

I have so few things to remember him by. And losing those pictures was like losing a part of him. And, I hated that I had been so blase about snapping photos and just assumed that there would always be other, better pictures to be had. Silly me.

Then, last week, Mike called me over to his computer to show me something. He pointed to the monitor and said, "Were you looking for this?"

He was pointing to a picture from the middle stages of the nursery renovation. Then I noticed that all of the surrounding pictures on the computer screen were also pregnancy pictures.

Mike had copied these files from our camera and put them on a portable thumb drive we rarely use. It's been in his work bag for at least the last six months - maybe longer. And he only found them because he downloaded a file at work and saw all the files on the drive.

I feel like he found a chest of gold when he found all those pictures. And seeing them again felt so wonderful. I almost forgot how happy I was back then.