Ryan was here ...

My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Yes, I'm still here

But, I'm a little lost again and have feared harsh scrutiny over my feelings, so I've kept mum instead of coming here to vent.

It's just a little more than two weeks till Ryan's fourth birthday - or, what should've been his fourth birthday - and I still feel so lost and confused. Megan has brought so much needed joy into my life, but I'm still longing for what I don't have.

I've also been doing more self-reflection and trying to figure out why I feel the way I do about certain aspects of my life. I need and deserve peace and resolution and I'm determined to find it. I may have to delve into the murky places in my past and within myself to find those answers, but dammit, I cannot go on like this for the next however-many years.

I guess I'll always be a work in progress.