Ryan was here ...

My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Practicing civility

Yesterday, after Mike shared a frustrating and scary story on how rude our world has become, I realized that many of us are guilty of engaging in insensitive and inappropriate behavior - many times without even realizing it.

We don't give a second thought to flipping off another driver on the road who we perceive as a hindrance. Abrasive bosses feel entitled to treat their employees in a disrespectful manner, overlooking that those employees are people with feelings. Cell phone addicts feel obligated to loudly share their most intimate of conversations - ones that would never be exchanged at a dinner table - with complete strangers and drive-thru lane attendants. We scream at wait-staff when our food at a restaurant isn't delivered as quickly as we think it should. We overlook the frail or impaired or aged and any special needs they may have. We neglect saying "please" and "thank you." We abuse our planet and its resources with complete disregard of the long-term effects.

Would it kill us to think about someone other than ourselves - or beyond those who exist in our little microcosms? Seriously, would it?

Obviously it wouldn't harm us, but, as more and more people become absorbed in their lives and scurry from appointment A to appointment B, common courtesies fall by the wayside and it becomes almost acceptable to be rude because you're too busy to be pleasant to another person who is as equally pressed for time. Or, when pleasantries are exchanged, they're perfunctory and most times not sincere in the least.

I have no idea why I've stopped to take notice to all of society's civil infractions, but I have. And, I'm not saying that I'm without fault, because I am most certainly far from perfect and have committed many social blunders that I wish I could undo. But, I'm hoping that I can take my raised awareness and do my part to not further perpetuate this frightening conduct that is running rampant.

If someone is gracious enough to bring me food that I didn't have to cook, I'm certainly not going to yell at them if the service is slightly slower than I might like; I'm not the only customer, after all. It takes practically no effort on my part to thank a helpful employee at the drugstore or to offer a heart-felt smile to the coffee shop clerk who has brightened my morning by handing me a hot cup of java. I will happily hold the door at the market for an elderly person or a pregnant woman, rather than rushing through in front of them so they don't slow me down. I'm not above properly discarding a piece of trash left behind by a frazzled businessperson. And, if hurried drivers feel their travels are of more significance than my own, I'll politely signal a lane change to move out of their path.

I've been both a recipient and perpetrator of uncivil actions in the past, but I want to change that by treating everyone I encounter in a polite manner - even when my patience and time are pushed to the limits.

Will you do your part, too?

Sunday, January 07, 2007


With the start of another new year, I've heard this question many times: "What's your New Year's resolution?"

Usually, I don't take part in coming up with resolutions, because, the way I figure, if I'm going to make a major change in my life, I don't need the start of a new year to make that change. Today is just as good a day as any to break a bad habit or make an improvement - especially if your goal is to procrastinate less.

After lots of consideration, I decided that I would make a resolution of sorts, and that declaration is me reclaiming what's mine: my blog and my feelings.

I've been a far-too-infrequent blogger over the past few months because of the hateful comments left here by a twisted person in cyperspace. I was in a very low point in my life, having lost my father the day after Ryan's first birthday, and that person chose to prey upon me at my most vulnerable. As a result, I retreated into my shell, as many Cancers tend to do at the first sign of conflict.

But, I'm back. And, I won't allow a mysterious person to influence how I work through my grief, which is a very personal and individual process. What might work for me may not work for someone else, and vice versa. I'm just trying to achieve the same dream everyone else has: to be happy.

That road to happiness is sometimes riddled with potholes and detours, and even the most patient of travellers can become frustrated by the twists and turns that that journey can bring.

I'm not perfect and I've never presented myself as such. I'm only human and I'm going to stumble and fall like everyone else. But, I will continue to get up and brush myself off and proceed as best I can down this bumpy path called life.

I've made this vow to myself and for myself - that I won't allow a stranger to have control of my emotions. The whole reason I started this blog was to have a place to vent, cry, pout, dream, wonder, and work through all the other emotions I may have. Isn't that what healing is all about - expressing and exposing what's deeply buried within ourselves so we can better understand who we are and what our feelings mean?

From this day forward, I'm going to do my absolute best to write freely and honestly again, regardless of what some faceless stranger thinks. I've said it before, so forgive me for beating this dead horse, but till someone has spent just a minute in my shoes, they have no room to judge me or how I'm feeling. First and foremost, I must be true to myself and my feelings. If I don't do that, I'll never find the inner peace and contentment that I long for - and need - so deperately.

So, this blog entry is dedicated to me - to the person I once was and to the one I will hopefully one day become.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Womb with a view

Available for immediate occupancy:

Spacious, like-new womb available. All amenities (food, warmth, love, exercise) are always close by for your convenience. Perfect for a boy or girl ... or both. Lots of one-on-one time with the outside neighbors, who openly welcome new tenants.

After you've stayed with us for nine months, you'll move up to the luxury suite, which comes equipped with even more amenities (cuddles, diaper changes, giggles, milk bar, kisses, toys, hugs, etc.). To further sweeten the deal, the rent is paid in full all the time, courtesy of the outside neighbors.

All interested parties are encouraged to inquire within.