Empowerment

With the start of another new year, I've heard this question many times: "What's your New Year's resolution?"

Usually, I don't take part in coming up with resolutions, because, the way I figure, if I'm going to make a major change in my life, I don't need the start of a new year to make that change. Today is just as good a day as any to break a bad habit or make an improvement - especially if your goal is to procrastinate less.

After lots of consideration, I decided that I would make a resolution of sorts, and that declaration is me reclaiming what's mine: my blog and my feelings.

I've been a far-too-infrequent blogger over the past few months because of the hateful comments left here by a twisted person in cyperspace. I was in a very low point in my life, having lost my father the day after Ryan's first birthday, and that person chose to prey upon me at my most vulnerable. As a result, I retreated into my shell, as many Cancers tend to do at the first sign of conflict.

But, I'm back. And, I won't allow a mysterious person to influence how I work through my grief, which is a very personal and individual process. What might work for me may not work for someone else, and vice versa. I'm just trying to achieve the same dream everyone else has: to be happy.

That road to happiness is sometimes riddled with potholes and detours, and even the most patient of travellers can become frustrated by the twists and turns that that journey can bring.

I'm not perfect and I've never presented myself as such. I'm only human and I'm going to stumble and fall like everyone else. But, I will continue to get up and brush myself off and proceed as best I can down this bumpy path called life.

I've made this vow to myself and for myself - that I won't allow a stranger to have control of my emotions. The whole reason I started this blog was to have a place to vent, cry, pout, dream, wonder, and work through all the other emotions I may have. Isn't that what healing is all about - expressing and exposing what's deeply buried within ourselves so we can better understand who we are and what our feelings mean?

From this day forward, I'm going to do my absolute best to write freely and honestly again, regardless of what some faceless stranger thinks. I've said it before, so forgive me for beating this dead horse, but till someone has spent just a minute in my shoes, they have no room to judge me or how I'm feeling. First and foremost, I must be true to myself and my feelings. If I don't do that, I'll never find the inner peace and contentment that I long for - and need - so deperately.

So, this blog entry is dedicated to me - to the person I once was and to the one I will hopefully one day become.