Ryan was here ...



My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Two years, two lines

Today marks two years since I last saw those two beautiful pink lines appear on a home pregnancy test stick. It had been my first round of Clomid and I was almost certain it hadn't been successful, since two previously-taken home pregnancy tests had rendered negative results - even though my period was nowhere to be found. But, the third time must've been the charm.

It feels like a lifetime has passed since I last felt that kind of complete happiness, anticipation, and contentment. And the further I get from that happy time, the more I'm convinced that I'll never feel that kind of joy again.

Sometimes it's hard to believe that I once felt that way at all, considering that the Sherry who now exists is nothing like that girl from two years ago - that girl who assumed that all endings were happy.

Knowing what I now know, I wish that I could turn back time and recapture those beautiful, fleeting 40 weeks with my beloved angel. I miss it so, so much ...

posted by Sherry @ 11/28/2006 10:19:00 AM  

4 Comments:

  • At November 28, 2006 10:42 AM, Blogger Rachelle said…

    Hi Sherry,
    I hope that you know that your little Ryan loves you so very much, and is rooting for you from above!
    I was moved to tears by this post. The pain you have suffered is truly unimaginable. I have been so lucky to have been blessed with 2 beautiful children. I wanted more, so many more, but it was not meant to be. While not comparable to your loss,
    I understand your thoughts about wild celebrities and the children they have so easily. Sometimes I see pregnant women, or those with newborns and I think, why isn't it me? I think I am a good mom, why can't I have more?
    But again, I have been so blessed with mine that I just have to move on with tears in my eyes.
    I have a strong belief that we will be reunited with those we have lost, even if they have never drawn a breath.
    God bless you, and it is my sincere hope that time will ease your hurting, and that you will be blessed with another precious soul to love.
    Slainte~
    Rachelle

     

  • At November 28, 2006 11:16 AM, Blogger Catherine said…

    I wish I had something profound to say. But there is nothing, is there? Just know that you are in my thoughts and I am sending you cheesy internet hugs.

     

  • At November 28, 2006 6:32 PM, Blogger delphi said…

    I am sending you as much love and cyber-comfort as I can.

     

  • At December 02, 2006 12:24 AM, Blogger msfitzita said…

    ((((((HUGS)))))

     

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