Ryan was here ...

My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Say "Cheeeeese!"

After seeing this expression, I guess I can rest easy and be assured that I'm doing something right.

She likes me! She really, really likes me!

Again, I'm absolutely amazed by this little girl. She really has helped to fill in the cracks of my broken heart.

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Refrigerator clean-out?

With a little one now occupying most of my free time these days, a lot of chores have fallen by the wayside ...

... Like cleaning out the fridge and ridding it of expired bottles of salad dressing and sticky jars of jelly. It's a no-brainer when it comes to throwing out those things.

But, what do you do about an injection pen loaded with fertility meds that isn't expired? The box that the pen is in doesn't take up much space and fortunately hasn't become a breeding ground for fuzzy mold like other items in there, so what's the harm in letting it sit there?

Seeing it in the fridge filled me with lots of mixed emotions. Two years ago we were in the throes of our fertility treatments with the RE. At the beginning, we were so excited and our hope of bringing home a baby had been renewed. But, then the reality of being a slave to the fertility clinic set in. It's not fun. It's gruelling. It's heart-breaking. Or, at least that's how we felt after three failed cycles. And, all the monitoring and poking and prodding and obsessing is enough to drive a person mad. But, for those patients who are fortunate enough to conceive whilst under the watchful eye of their RE, the view is much rosier I'm sure.

But, if we decide to try for a sibling for Megan, do I really want to subject myself (and Mike) to that insanity once again?

I guess if we had conceived Megan by those means, the decision to keep the injection pen might be easier to make. But, we were so very fortunate to conceive her without any intervention whatsoever. One happy egg met one happy sperm and now we've got our little miracle. Plus, even though it wasn't awful getting shots in my belly, it certainly wasn't a picnic, either. Sometimes you do things you'd never dream you had the power to do, and subjecting myself to shots of fertility meds was that thing. At the time, I viewed it as a small price to pay if it meant we'd finally have a healthy baby at home.

What does it say about me if I keep the pen in the fridge, even though I'm fairly certain we won't use it? If I throw it out, will I feel like I'm closing the door on the possibility that that pen offers? Or, do I just have faith that if it's meant to be, we'll be as blessed as we were with Megan and the old-fashioned method will do the trick?

Makes me wish I hadn't gone looking for the source of the funky odor in the fridge, because now I have more than two-week-old meatloaf leftovers to think about.

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Seven weeks

I can't even believe this much time has passed since Megan joined our family.

Time really does fly when you're having fun.

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