Ryan was here ...

My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

That light IS getting brighter

It seems that my last entry was unintentionally open to interpretation by others.

No, I wasn't referring to "that" when I last wrote ... but with this entry, I am:

After 25 cycles unsuccessful cycles, it seems that we finally grabbed that brass ring on this one. And we did it on our own. No fertility medications. No clinical procedures. No poking and prodding. (Pardon the pun!)

I don't think a word exists to describe how I'm feeling at the moment.

I was honestly reaching a point where I was having serious doubts about being pregnant again, and during the cycle when I least expect it to happen, it happens. Our chances were the same as all the past failed cycles, so I'm not sure what was different this time that magically made it happen.

It's still very early, so I'm hoping this little jellybean sticks and winds up healthy. I think I just signed on for the ride of my life, regardless of the outcome, so I'm hanging on tight.

Very deep breaths and tightly crossed fingers.

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

What is that?

Do I see a faint glimmer of hope off in the distance?

I'm not really sure, but I'm hoping it gets brighter.

I didn't want to invest myself so wholly into this cycle, but I have anyway. So, now, I just have to hope that the outcome is the one I've been dreaming of for so, so long.

Deep breath. Fingers crossed.