Balancing act

Everyone has always told me that to really appreciate the good things in your life, there needs to be bad things, too.

Balance.

It's a wonderful theory to think that the good and bad keep everything on an even keel. But, I don't see that being possible when it comes to my own life and experiences. I'm constantly feeling like I'm sitting on one side of a see-saw, stuck on the ground, while the other side of it is empty and, of course, completely up in the air. I keep waiting for someone or something to get on that other side to get me off the ground just the tiniest bit.

I'm not expecting a perfectly level see-saw because I know that's just not realistic. And, I really don't think I'm overlooking the good in my life, which would (or could) make it easier to focus on the bad. I have some wonderful blessings around me that I am thankful for every single day. But, that knowledge and appreciation for the good doesn't erase or diminish all the bad that's come down the pike.

I've tried desperately to get my side of the see-saw off the ground, but sometimes it feels as though someone nailed down that side, making it impossible for my side to ever lift off the ground.

I fear that my grief and sorrow will always heavily outweigh any joy that could ever happen in my life. I'll be stuck sitting on that see-saw, waiting for the smallest bit of good to walk onto the playground of life and sit on the opposite side.

This might seem a bit cynical and inaccurate to others, but it makes perfect sense in my mind, based on my feelings and experiences. There's no question that the bad outweighs the good for me; my life feels like a derailed train.

And, I also don't want or expect the opposite side of my see-saw to be so heavily weighted down that I'm lifted so high that my feet no longer touch the ground. I'm just looking for a little bit of balance, where I can still touch the ground with my toes but feel like I'm playing with more than just myself and my unfortunate circumstances.

Any takers for hopping onto the opposite side? My ass is getting dusty and sore from sitting on the ground for so long ...