Balancing act
Everyone has always told me that to really appreciate the good things in your life, there needs to be bad things, too.
Balance.
It's a wonderful theory to think that the good and bad keep everything on an even keel. But, I don't see that being possible when it comes to my own life and experiences. I'm constantly feeling like I'm sitting on one side of a see-saw, stuck on the ground, while the other side of it is empty and, of course, completely up in the air. I keep waiting for someone or something to get on that other side to get me off the ground just the tiniest bit.
I'm not expecting a perfectly level see-saw because I know that's just not realistic. And, I really don't think I'm overlooking the good in my life, which would (or could) make it easier to focus on the bad. I have some wonderful blessings around me that I am thankful for every single day. But, that knowledge and appreciation for the good doesn't erase or diminish all the bad that's come down the pike.
I've tried desperately to get my side of the see-saw off the ground, but sometimes it feels as though someone nailed down that side, making it impossible for my side to ever lift off the ground.
I fear that my grief and sorrow will always heavily outweigh any joy that could ever happen in my life. I'll be stuck sitting on that see-saw, waiting for the smallest bit of good to walk onto the playground of life and sit on the opposite side.
This might seem a bit cynical and inaccurate to others, but it makes perfect sense in my mind, based on my feelings and experiences. There's no question that the bad outweighs the good for me; my life feels like a derailed train.
And, I also don't want or expect the opposite side of my see-saw to be so heavily weighted down that I'm lifted so high that my feet no longer touch the ground. I'm just looking for a little bit of balance, where I can still touch the ground with my toes but feel like I'm playing with more than just myself and my unfortunate circumstances.
Any takers for hopping onto the opposite side? My ass is getting dusty and sore from sitting on the ground for so long ...
Balance.
It's a wonderful theory to think that the good and bad keep everything on an even keel. But, I don't see that being possible when it comes to my own life and experiences. I'm constantly feeling like I'm sitting on one side of a see-saw, stuck on the ground, while the other side of it is empty and, of course, completely up in the air. I keep waiting for someone or something to get on that other side to get me off the ground just the tiniest bit.
I'm not expecting a perfectly level see-saw because I know that's just not realistic. And, I really don't think I'm overlooking the good in my life, which would (or could) make it easier to focus on the bad. I have some wonderful blessings around me that I am thankful for every single day. But, that knowledge and appreciation for the good doesn't erase or diminish all the bad that's come down the pike.
I've tried desperately to get my side of the see-saw off the ground, but sometimes it feels as though someone nailed down that side, making it impossible for my side to ever lift off the ground.
I fear that my grief and sorrow will always heavily outweigh any joy that could ever happen in my life. I'll be stuck sitting on that see-saw, waiting for the smallest bit of good to walk onto the playground of life and sit on the opposite side.
This might seem a bit cynical and inaccurate to others, but it makes perfect sense in my mind, based on my feelings and experiences. There's no question that the bad outweighs the good for me; my life feels like a derailed train.
And, I also don't want or expect the opposite side of my see-saw to be so heavily weighted down that I'm lifted so high that my feet no longer touch the ground. I'm just looking for a little bit of balance, where I can still touch the ground with my toes but feel like I'm playing with more than just myself and my unfortunate circumstances.
Any takers for hopping onto the opposite side? My ass is getting dusty and sore from sitting on the ground for so long ...
posted by Sherry @ 7/13/2007 09:05:00 AM
6 Comments:
At July 13, 2007 9:38 AM,
Scrappy_Lady said…
Well, I'm sure it doesn't have the same magnitude of some of the bad things you've experienced, but I know a few ladies that would love to sit on that other side of the seesaw for you.
Continued love and support
At July 13, 2007 9:51 AM,
Lori said…
I would gladly sit opposite you to lift you up a little bit. ((hugs))
At July 13, 2007 9:52 AM,
Catherine said…
If it were that easy I would do it for you in a heartbeat. And I know I'm not alone in wishing I could help you find that happiness you so richly deserve. But the most I can do is offer to push down the one side and lift you up a little bit...until happiness plops her big ole butt down on the opposite side and swings you up as high as possible.
{{{hugs}}}
At July 14, 2007 9:15 AM,
niobe said…
I. So. Know. What. You. Mean.
At July 14, 2007 5:10 PM,
Rosepetal said…
Sherry, I really identify with this post. I'm not looking for my feet to leave the ground either, just for a change, just to know that I have now lived through the shittiest time of my life and I won't have to do anything this painful ever again. Unfortunately one of the lessons of this time is that I don't have any reason to expect or not expect that.
I hope that you get to at least stretch your legs on this seesaw soon.
At July 14, 2007 10:33 PM,
msfitzita said…
I'll sit on the other side of the seesaw and play with you. That sounds dirty, but you know what I mean. I'm always here and I'll always understand both hating the bad and fearing the good - and just wanting to be normal for a while.
I hope one day things feel much more balanced than they do right now. I hope that more than you can possibly know.
(((((((HUGS))))))
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