Funny how a year changes things

I realized today that a year ago, actually being pregnant seemed like the furthest thing imaginable or achievable. I was gearing up for my laparoscopy, in what I perceived as a desperate attempt to explain my unexplained infertility. I had begun to look at adoption books, thinking that would be the only way I'd ever have a family.

Funny, how in just one year, my life is completely different.

No, I don't have my family yet, so maybe I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch, but this is the closest I've been since August 2005. And, even though Gummy isn't here yet, her finding her way into my life has been more powerful than I ever thought possible. She's saved me from myself.

When I read my blog entries from last year, I can see that I'm a different person now and in a completely different place. There are still those huge potholes in my heart where my grief will always live, but there are now more than just glimmers of hope that co-exist alongside my sadness. There is actual hope deep within me that seems boundless, which is something I haven't felt in a very, very long time.

I had always hoped that being pregnant again and working toward a happy ending would bring me the joy I've longed for.

Maybe this is the start of some wonderful things ...