It's just "stuff" ... right?

As anyone who has lost a baby knows, you wind up with lots of "things" that were intended for your baby who never came home. Diapers, wipes, bedding, blankies, onesies, sleepers, burp cloths, bath toys, ointments, lotions, bottles, pacifiers - the list goes on.

While Mike and I were stocking Ryan's nursery, we made the natural assumption that everything in there was his. We did what any expectant parents do: Prepare to bring a precious new life home from the hospital.

But, now how do I refer to all those unused items? Yes, they were bought for Ryan, with the intention of using them on/for him, but since he never used anything, how can those items still be lableled as his exclusively?

I feel like these items are in some sort of limbo. They're his things, but not really. They were bought for him, but he never touched any of them, so they aren't really his things.

This perplexing question came to light today after I suggested to Mike to have a teddy bear made from a receiving blanket that was going to be Ryan's. I didn't see any harm in it and thought it would be nice to have a sentimental memento that we could keep on our bed - or keep for the nursery's future occupant.

Mike immediately vetoed my suggestion and flat-out said that there's no way we're cutting up any of Ryan's things. Period. End of discussion. And, unless those "things" were to be used for Ryan's brother or sister or to be donated (at a point much further down the road), nothing would be done to alter them.

I'm really confused by all of this, because I'm the overly sensitive type and he's the hard-as-nails common-sense type, so I figured I'd be the one who'd never be able to part with my baby's "stuff." But, instead, I'm the one who sees these things as just "things," and Mike's the one who won't part with a single thing.

I'm not calloused about all of this - just practical. All of the stuff that's in Ryan's nursery is just stuff. It'll never be him and keeping those items in their pristine condition will never change the fact that he's gone and will never come back to use them. Never. Sure, there are certain items that I bought with him in mind specifically, but, for the most part, the clothing and blankets are generic supplies. But, I'm afraid that Mike is directly associating all of those things with Ryan, and by moving or altering any of those things, we're somehow betraying our baby.

This is a really touchy subject and I'm not quite sure how to approach handling it. I don't want to dismiss Mike's justification for hanging on to these things, because, obviously, he feels very strongly about keeping everything. But, it's been 11 months and I feel that it's okay for us to view all of those items differently, since they may never be used in the way we intended.

And, really, the only "stuff" that I view as Ryan's are the items in his memory box given to us at the hospital. That contains the physical part of him that we were blessed with for two days: His newborn cap, his booties, his shirt (the only clothes he ever wore), a Pampers Swaddler diaper, his blood-pressure cuff, his thermometer, his arm band, his hand and foot prints, a lock of hair taped to an index card, and the blankie we put in his isolette. By definition, those were his things, not all the stuff we felt compelled to buy.

Altering or donating those things we bought in anticipation of his arrival won't erase or change the memory of him. If all of those things disappeared right now, he'd still live on in our minds just as he does now. Forever. We don't need those physical "things" for that.

That's the "stuff" that's really important, right?