Ch-ch-ch-changes

I've managed to tweak the appearance of my blog and I decided to finally give it its proper title: Ryan was here.

I decided to give it this title because of a conversation Mike and I have had several times while trying to get pregnant again. We joke about what Ryan did inside my belly to make it his own, and how there must be cobwebs in there by now from the accommodations being vacant for so long. The cutest "theory" that Mike came up with was that somewhere in there, Ryan scrawled, "Ryan was here," just as little kids do on dirty car windows and chalkboards. You know - the occasional backwards letter, with the entire line of wording going either up or down hill.

The thought of that never fails to put a smile on my face, so I thought it was only fitting to use it as this blog's title; after all, Ryan was here and he's the inspiration for this blog.

Other than that, I haven't had much to write about. I've done so much serious thinking that my head hurts, but it seems that I've got too much space junk floating around up there to gather my thoughts enough to write about one specific incident or feeling. It's odd, because I've never experienced this before. It's almost as if the boundaries between the different areas in my life are blurred and they're spilling into each other. Weird shit.

Mike and I met with an RE on Monday and, seemingly, we're on our way to being treated for infertility. Yay. I am glad - please don't think I'm being ungrateful - but I'm disappointed that we've even had to venture down this path with all that's already happened to us. We're still in the preliminary stages, filled with lots of tests, but so far things look good. And, it was good to hear that I made the right decision by following my gut instinct and stopping the Clomid after six unsuccessful cycles. The RE agreed that it's probably not going to work if it hasn't already, and my side effects were only getting worse. The RE has made some suggestions for treatment, but we're waiting for the test results before deciding on anything definitive. The good news is that my body IS still working on its own and that in itself is a very good and relieving thing. Whew.

I haven't done much work in my garden - any of them - because I'm focusing all my energy toward nurturing our lawn. We had the backyard re-graded last fall, put down 14 tons of new soil, and re-seeded. It's slowly turning into a yard, but there are holes here and there that need patching and some extra TLC. It's nice to see more grass than bare spots, though, which is all we had had since moving there three years ago. It's now almost nice and lush enough for a set of bare baby feet to go walking on it. I have to hope and dream ...

Lots of changes - something we Cancers aren't too fond of. But, I'm rolling with it and holding on tight since I don't know what's happening next.