Messages to the heavens

Following on the heels of Friday's tree devastation, we attended a Family Fun Day event sponsored by the Maeghan and Heidi Heart Foundation. We weren't the least bit motivated to attend - our emotional states never recovered from the stark vastness that was once our backyard view - but we had agreed to attend and I'm a woman of my word and commitment. Plus, Mike wasn't about to let me go alone, knowing I'd be an emotional train wreck.

"Family Fun Day" is a way to locally acknowledge the babies treated by the hospital's pediatric cardiovascular unit (heart babies) and/or babies who grew their angel wings. The founders started the organization after losing their infant daughters to congenital heart defects, and every year they hold this event to honor their brief lives, as well as acknowledge the lives of other angels. It's a day about celebrating, but, given the circumstances, it's a little tough to celebrate when practically every set of parents in attendance has lost their baby.

I tried my best to stay composed, but it was a losing battle; I broke down in tears the minute I entered the fellowship hall where the event was being held. This was the first social engagement of this kind that I've attended, so I really didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if it would be rather somber or surprisingly upbeat. It was a good balance of both; too much of one or the other wouldn't have felt right.

There were hot dogs and homemade BBQ sandwiches, side items, baked goods, and beverages offered for lunch. The kids - and there were a lot of them! - had a huge bounce-house to work off their extra energy and food. The founders set up a memorial wall, where all the names of the angels were listed. Every heart baby had a foil heart sticker above his or her name, which was neatly printed out on blue or pink paper. It was heart-breaking to count so many other babies who had been stricken with hearts defects similar to Ryan's. There were even yellow sheets to memorialize the miscarriages among the group.

Despite my blue mood, the day was very nice. We had had thunderstorms early in the day, but the skies cleared up just in time for our balloon release. All of us attached heart-shaped tags with personalized messages to the balloons in remembrance of our dear babies. It was the most moving sight, seeing the dozens of pink, blue, and white balloons being carried away towards the heavens. Everyone quietly watched the balloons drift off, but occasionally you'd hear a muffled sniffle as people wiped away their tears.

We all stood outside till the last of the balloons disappeared from view.

I sure hope Ryan got the little message we attached to his balloon, even though he already knows how much we love and miss him.