Another "first"

Last night I got an e-mail from a gal who is the daughter of good friends of mine. Actually, referring to them as friends could be interpreted as an insult; this family is always there for me when it matters most. They stood behind my decision to divorce my ex-husband; they traveled 1200 miles to attend my wedding to Mike when even my own family didn't make the trip; they dropped everything to drive eight hours to be with us after Ryan passed away.

So, my friends' daughter has an almost three-year-old (Britney) who is quite a firecracker. She's got the sharpest mind I've ever seen in a toddler and she forgets nothing. Even after not seeing me or Mike or our cats for almost nine months, she constantly asks about "Uncle Mikey" and "Auntie Sherry" and our kitties, all of which she knows by name. She, unfortunately, even remembered Peanut and couldn't understand why "the baby" wasn't still in my belly. But, I digress ...

Even though I haven't come right out and said to people in our life, "Yes, we're trying to have another baby," it's pretty much an assumption that we are, even though no one brings the topic up. I supposed my wounds are still very fresh - or aren't healing well - so it's difficult to see pregnant women or women with newborns when I'm out and about. And, luckily, I haven't had anyone close to me announce a pregnancy since Ryan's death. Till now, that is.

Last night I saw this e-mail and my heart began to race. My friends' daughter doesn't usually send me e-mails, so I thought it was a little unusual.

As soon as I opened the e-mail, I started quickly scanning the body of it, hoping my eyes would fall on a keyword. And, they did. A baby is on the way, probably in late November/early December. At that moment, it didn't matter to me what other tidbits she had to share. The only thing I saw was that.

Okay, so I cried a little about this news. Or, a LOT about it.

Yes, I'm a little disheartened by this new development since I selfishly wanted to be making that big announcement before anyone else did. And, I'm really hurt, too, because of the insensitive way my friends' daughter chose to share this news with me. We talk on the phone frequently, so I didn't think a phone call was too much to ask when it came to news like this. I'm sure they wouldn't have looked too kindly on me e-mailing them when Ryan died. Different circumstances, yes, but that same courtesy in sharing sensitive news should apply, right?

The e-mail from my friends' daughter is still sitting in my in-box. I'm still absorbing this news and trying to recover from my shock and disappointment before I respond - via e-mail - with a fitting, congratulatory reply.

The first pregnancy announcement since losing Ryan wasn't a "first" that I had been anticipating - it's anniversaries and milestones that usually catch me off guard. Plus, I really, really thought I'd be the first to announce that kind of news. That was the sort of "first" I was expecting and hoping after all of the more sad first's I've had to overcome.