"Uhhghhh ..."

If it were possible (and maybe it is), I'm sure that's the sound Mike's computer would've heaved last night as it took its last breath.

We don't know what happened since it had been functioning just fine till last night. Suddenly, an error screen popped up on the monitor, warning that something was wrong and that the emergency boot-up disk should be used.

There was some promise that all was not lost when the emergency disk seemed to be fixing and retrieving information from the hard drive. But, when we returned to check the progress a few hours later, the screen color had changed to red and included a blinking yellow message, basically telling us that the hard drive was toast.

Thank God for computer back-up systems, as well as for husbands who utilize that back-up feature. When Mike replied "Yes" to my question of "Did you back-up?" I was mildly relieved. At least we hadn't lost everything to the depths of the hard drive's black hole. Our far-too-few and only pictures of Ryan were on Mike's computer, but luckily, they had been safely burned to a CD.

For a few seconds, we stared at the blinking "dead end" message. And, then, without warning, Mike started to laugh.

He immediately apologized, as he certainly wasn't taking this new development lightly and didn't want me thinking such. But, he explained that, in light of all the shit that's gone wrong lately, it's almost become comedic when yet another bad thing happens.

I wish he weren't right about this, but he is.

It's no wonder I spend so much time waiting for the other shoe to drop, because there seems to be an endless supply of falling shoes. And, lately, instead of immediately freaking over the newest drama that isn't working out favorably, I just shrug it off and expect to be caught in a shitstorm without my umbrella or galoshes.

I mean, really, what more can I do? I obviously have no control over whether these things happen, so I just deal with them with a different attitude. I've put massive amounts of energy into fretting over situations where I am powerless to change the outcome. I'm realizing that there is so little in the world that I can control, so it's almost easier to shrug off the bad things and utter the rhetorical, "What did I expect?"

If I don't handle the bad things this way, I'll be back to beating my head against the wall while asking the unanswerable question of "Why?" Wasted energy, I tell ya. I'll never receive an answer to that question regarding any of the awful outcomes in my life, so I can't direct anymore of my energy towards that eternally looming question mark.

I don't want to meet a premature death like Mike's computer, and surely I would have if I hadn't re-wired my brain to approach situations differently.

But, still. Couldn't the stupid machine have waited to croak - at least for just a few more weeks - when it would have been easier to juggle the repair costs?