Ryan was here ...

My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Snapping back into reality

Why do the silliest of things bring memories rushing back into our minds? I will never figure this out!

I had yet another episode of this yesterday when I discovered a rubber band in the pocket of my jeans. ...

I call this particular pair of jeans my "fat" jeans. Though I'm still quite far from being svelte, I wore these jeans when I was 20 lbs. heavier and never got rid of them. They're roomy and soft and totally broken in. Plus, I was able to wear these jeans through the first six months of my pregnancy with Ryan. I decided to wear these jeans again yesterday because I was feeling like a bloated mess due to my "monthly bill" and knew I wouldn't feel restricted the way I would in my regular pants.

After a visit to the restroom, I was putting myself back together, pushing my pockets back into position when I discovered "something" in my pocket. I wasn't sure what was in there, so I scooped out the contents of my pocket. When I opened my hand, there was a sizable tuft of lint, a "to do" list for myself, and a rubber band.

And it suddenly hit me why there was a rubber band in my pocket.

In order to wear these jeans with my ever-expanding Ryan belly, it became necessary to loop a rubber band through the button hole and slide the loop over the metal button, expanding the waistband just enough to make the jeans wearable. After I was finished wearing them, I'd tuck the rubber band in the right-hand pocket for the next time.

This rubber band had remained in that pocket through several laundry-washings and pocket-emptyings.

I looked at it for a few seconds and decided it needed to go back into my pocket for safekeeping.

As I was getting ready for bed last night, I instinctively reached into my pockets and again discovered this rubber band. I looked at it, smiled to myself, and played with it, wondering what I should do with this quirky reminder of happier times.

I walked into Ryan's room, opened his keepsake box, and placed the rubber band next to one of the "It's A Boy" bubble-gum cigars I had put aside when we found out we were having a little boy. Content that I had found the perfect place for this unusual memento, I said goodnight to Ryan and hopped into bed.

Now I'll know where to find that silly rubber band if and when I need to accommodate a bulging baby belly in the future, fingers crossed.


  • At October 18, 2005 9:05 PM, Anonymous lovemypup said…

    Hoping you will need that rubber band very soon!

  • At October 19, 2005 3:31 PM, Anonymous jamie said…

    I am from the August Sunbeams, and when I read you story I had to come on here, I hope you dont mind.
    That is such a wonderful thing to do with that rubberband. Sometimes such simple things have so much more meaning that anything else. I am praying that you get to use that rubberband again soon.


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