Ryan was here ...



My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.


Monday, October 03, 2005

Have a nice day

Today was my first day back to work since August 5.

I hadn't seen any of my co-workers since Ryan's memorial service and had spoken with only a couple of them by telephone. My desk was exactly as it was the day I left, just with an extra layer of dust for me to clear away. My calendar was still tacked on the August page, with all the special days and appointments clearly marked. Pinned to my cube wall was a picture of me taken by a co-worker just two weeks before Ryan's birth. There was even an ultrasound picture and a Doppler recording of his heartbeat still saved on my computer's desktop. A flood of messages came pouring into my work e-mail account - most of them dating back to the beginning of August - inquiring about the status of "Mr. Peanut." And, instead of my greetings being met with waves and smiles, my hello's were met with sorrowful looks of "I'm sorry."

Awkward. Heart-breaking. Frustrating. Sad. Miserable. Lonely. Painful. Tough.

That's how my day was.

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