Kids say the saddest things

This weekend, Mike and I took a much-needed trip to visit out-of-town friends and family. It was supposed to be our first family vacation and my opportunity to play "show and tell" with Ryan. Instead, it was spent talking about him in the past tense and showing pictures of my beautiful little angel, rather than passing him along from person to person and swapping stories from the trenches with the other parents.

Although we weren't able to introduce Ryan to the pitfalls of road trips and hole-in-the-wall rest stops, we did manage to join in celebrating a couple who is very dear to me and Mike. This couple had an informal shindig to renew their marriage vows since they skipped out on the huge wedding production when they officially tied the knot two years ago. It was a nice, casual gathering of approximately 50 people and it provided me the opportunity to catch up on the local gossip and to meet the new additions that have arrived in the two years since my last visit.

It was a breath of fresh air to be around the new additions to my group of friends and family; it was also a harsh reminder of what I had so briefly and lost so tragically. Most times we avoided discussing the sad outcome with Ryan and instead focused on the precious bits of the positive, but there were unfortunately times that the negative unexpectedly kicked me in the gut.

The happy couple who renewed their vows have an absolutely adorable 2-year-old little girl. Even though Mike and I aren't blood relatives to this couple, both "mom and dad" refer to us as being their little girl's aunt and uncle. In fact, this couple asked Mike and me to be their little one's godparents - what a compliment!

This couple and their little girl had visited me and Mike during the last month of my pregnancy and joked with their little one about the baby in my belly. As much as we adults liked to think that this little girl understood what we were joking about - she is a very bright and sharp 2-year-old! - we didn't take it all too seriously, considering how much new info she absorbs on a daily basis. We figured that once she was back home and reacquainted with her usual routine, she'd forget her visit with us, forget the kitties she tortured for four days, and forget "Peanut."

There was an instance during the weekend where our conversation turned to this little girl, talking about cats and dogs and how she wants her own kitty. Her mother asked her if she remembered my cats, and to our surprise, this little girl remembered all three of my cats' names. Then, without warning, the little girl said, "And Peanut - the baby."

Oh God.

It was one of those agonizing moments I had been dreading and hoping to avoid. What in the world do I say in response to something so precious and innocent, but so unbelievably sad? Of course, I didn't have any words - just tears ... and lots of them.

Without warning, my soon-to-be god-daughter hopped into my lap and gave me the sweetest kiss and warmest hug I've gotten from anyone since Ryan's death.

As sad as her memory of better times made me, that hug and kiss from such an innocent, loving cherub went a long way in helping this heavy heart heal.