Proclaiming victory, how ever small

I was overjoyed this weekend to stake my victory over a war which contained many not-so-victorious battles during the last seven years. And, in addition to being the reigning victor of an old war, I won my first of new battles, all part of a war that began on August 11. ...

And old neighbor from my condo neighborhood in Pennsylvania called last night to give me some news. Now, my neighbor, "KB," and I haven't spoken to each other in almost five years, so hearing her voice on the other end of the phone was great. I had felt badly about letting that friendship slip, but I've had KB in the front of mind since she, too, is a mommy to several angels. And, since Ryan's passing appeared in my hometown's newspaper, I assumed KB was calling to discuss that news. But, the conversation ended up being much more than I had anticipated!

Naturally, we started off with the "how've you been?" greetings and saying how nice it was to talk again after so long. Then KB went into the news she had for me. She explained that she had run into a mutual acquaintance - "LS" - and LS said that she would be taking care of a friend's dog while the friend is getting divorced and looking for a new place to live. Well ... it turns out that this "friend" is actually my ex-husband and the "dog" is one of Sasha's puppies and former dog of mine, Toby.

I was absolutely floored by this news. The ex and I do not keep in direct contact, but his sister has remained friends with me and she keeps me informed of any worthy news concerning the ex, but she hadn't told me about this news! Here's the quickie run-down of my history with the ex: He cheated on me with a woman he met in a chatroom. This woman's employer sent her on business to the area where I used to live, and she and my ex had a weekend fling. My ex of course denied that an affair was taking place, even when I presented him with my proof. Once I kicked his lying butt to the curb, he finally came clean about the affair. He and I tried to salvage our nine-year marriage, but my intuition told me he would do this again. I didn't want to be in that unfortunate position again - possibly with children in the equation - so I felt it was only fair to leave the marriage. When I told my ex I wanted a divorce, he became bitter and resentful, which started the period of no contact between the two of us, which has lasted for seven years.

When I made the decision in 1998 to leave my husband and marriage, it literally broke my heart. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I had to do it to save myself.

My reasoning in making that life-changing decision was validated when KB told me that my ex had done the same thing to his new wife that he had done to me. Fucking idiot. What else can I say about a guy who cheats on his first wife and gets caught, then turns around and does the same thing to his second wife and again gets caught? Hey, the shoe fits. ...

As much as I don't like to take pleasure in someone else's misfortune, I feel that this new information justifies an exception to my personal rule, so I'm taking extreme pleasure in being able to say, "Told you so!" I've been suffering through many moments of self-doubt since Ryan's death, so being crowned victorious of this long-running war felt pretty damn good. Yes, I've been vindicated. Finally.

After closing that chapter of our conversation, I broke the news to KB about Ryan. She was devastated to learn that a friend of hers had experienced this horrible tragedy as well. She, like so many other mothers in our unfortunate position, understands the agony of losing the baby you wanted so deperately. She has dealt with five lost pregnancies, though she's actually lost six babies. (One of her pregnancies was with twins, and she lost both of them around the 26-week mark. I remember that loss so well even though it happened nearly ten years ago, because I remember how helpless I felt while KB was going through that hell.) From all KB's been through, she offered as much advice and support as possible and told me not to lose hope. She said that she "could have easily lost hope, but the results of babies seven, eight, and nine wouldn't be here today."

Wow.

There I was, talking to a woman who has traveled down this horrible path on six occasions. Six. Six times of emotionally hitting rock-bottom. Six times of not knowing why your body couldn't or wouldn't sustain your babies. Yet, she didn't let those losses shatter her dream of having a family: She's now a mom to three little munchkins in addition to her six angels.

I got the teeniest glimmer of hope from my talk with her. And with it I got another, albeit much-smaller, crown as my prize for winning my first new battle.

One down ... many more to go.