Glutton for punishment
I've been having a hard enough time dealing with my emotional state over the last week, but I made matters worse last night by watching one of my favorite shows, "ER."
Last night's episode dealt with a woman who was acting as a surrogate mom for a couple who had been trying, unsuccessfully, to have a baby on their own. From the start of the show, I just knew the outcome wouldn't be good, but I couldn't pry myself away from the TV.
The baby was in a breech presentation, but the surrogate mom refused a C-section, claiming that she "knew" her body and felt she could deliver the baby without surgical intervention. She did deliver naturally, but not at the expense of the baby boy. He was deprived of oxygen at one point during the delivery and arrived with no pulse or heartbeat, and the prognosis for a neurological recovery was slim to none.
Unfortunately, the baby's parents wanted nothing to do with him since they hadn't agreed to a "ventilator baby" and the surrogate mom said the baby wasn't hers. Poor little guy was abandoned in the NICU when he needed someone to love him more than ever.
This episode just about broke my already-broken heart, just as an episode did two seasons ago where Dr. Carter's son died while still in the mother's womb.
I realize that it's just a TV show and probably a fictitious storyline, but still ... how could anyone even think of abandoning their baby, regardless of his condition and bleak prognosis?!
This was so upsetting to me! I dwelled on it for the next several hours, which resulted in another shitty night's sleep, and even this morning I'm disturbed by it.
In the last few hours of Ryan's life, we were faced with the possibility that his neurologic state was compromised since his heart was having difficulty pumping oxygenated blood into his body. His other organ functions were also possibly affected by all the drugs being pumped into him to keep him from crashing altogether. But, as grave as his condition was, I never, EVER could have left his bedside - period. He needed his mommy to be by his side, giving him reassurance that everything would be okay. I couldn't imagine doing anything less for my precious little boy!
I guess I should take some comfort in knowing that Mike and I did everything possible to help Ryan, including making a decision no parent ever wants to make. But we did it for him, not ourselves. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. ...
Last night's episode dealt with a woman who was acting as a surrogate mom for a couple who had been trying, unsuccessfully, to have a baby on their own. From the start of the show, I just knew the outcome wouldn't be good, but I couldn't pry myself away from the TV.
The baby was in a breech presentation, but the surrogate mom refused a C-section, claiming that she "knew" her body and felt she could deliver the baby without surgical intervention. She did deliver naturally, but not at the expense of the baby boy. He was deprived of oxygen at one point during the delivery and arrived with no pulse or heartbeat, and the prognosis for a neurological recovery was slim to none.
Unfortunately, the baby's parents wanted nothing to do with him since they hadn't agreed to a "ventilator baby" and the surrogate mom said the baby wasn't hers. Poor little guy was abandoned in the NICU when he needed someone to love him more than ever.
This episode just about broke my already-broken heart, just as an episode did two seasons ago where Dr. Carter's son died while still in the mother's womb.
I realize that it's just a TV show and probably a fictitious storyline, but still ... how could anyone even think of abandoning their baby, regardless of his condition and bleak prognosis?!
This was so upsetting to me! I dwelled on it for the next several hours, which resulted in another shitty night's sleep, and even this morning I'm disturbed by it.
In the last few hours of Ryan's life, we were faced with the possibility that his neurologic state was compromised since his heart was having difficulty pumping oxygenated blood into his body. His other organ functions were also possibly affected by all the drugs being pumped into him to keep him from crashing altogether. But, as grave as his condition was, I never, EVER could have left his bedside - period. He needed his mommy to be by his side, giving him reassurance that everything would be okay. I couldn't imagine doing anything less for my precious little boy!
I guess I should take some comfort in knowing that Mike and I did everything possible to help Ryan, including making a decision no parent ever wants to make. But we did it for him, not ourselves. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. ...
posted by Sherry @ 9/30/2005 08:03:00 AM
2 Comments:
At September 30, 2005 2:29 PM,
Jennifer said…
I had a really hard time with this episode too, I thought of you and CK the whole time and all night. ((HUGS))
At October 03, 2005 7:59 AM,
msfitzita said…
I felt the same way. When they told us that Thomas had 1% chance of survival and that if he did survive he'd be severely brain damaged I didn't care - I wanted him any way I could have him. I felt that "mother bear" protectiveness kick in and I would have done anything I could to save him no matter what.
In the end we had to make the same awful decision you did, but like you, we did it for him because we loved him more than anything in the world.
My God, I can't believe that's a decision anyone has to make...
Anyway, I hope you eventually slept better. No more ER for you, okay?? :)
((((HUGS)))
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