"How long have you been trying?"

After a brief exchange yesterday with a stranger in the drugstore, I got to thinking about how long Mike and I - and before that, my ex-husband and I - have been trying to bring home a live, healthy baby.

My ex and I began planning our family in August of 1997, almost nine years into our marriage. We got lucky on our first cycle of "not trying, not preventing," much to our surprise, but unfortunately that pregnancy didn't last and our marriage crumbled shortly after that.

During my time of being single, which was fortunately short-lived, I knew I wasn't in the right place to bring a child into the world, but it was never far from my mind. I held out hope that I'd meet the real Mr. Right (which I did) and we'd be able to fulfill our dream of having a family.

I realize that a couple need not be married to start a family, but my upbringing was such that I felt very strongly about being married before becoming pregnant. Plus, I wanted to be absolutely certain that my relationship with Mike could weather any storm and that we'd bring a child into the world for the right reasons and into the most loving environment possible.

Mike and I had a longer engagement than most couples (three years), but we learned a lot about each other and ourselves during that time. The journey wasn't always pleasant and at one point we almost went our separate ways. But, our love for each other proved to be the driving force in our relationship and we decided we were ready to make the ultimate commitment of marriage.

Like most newlyweds, we began to toss around the idea of having a baby. It was a scary prospect, but we had faith that we could make it happen and would be the best parents we could possibly be.

That was in August of 2003, almost four years ago.

So, that brings me back to my conversation in the drugstore, where the stranger asked, "How long have you been trying to get pregnant?"

I never know quite how to answer that question. This time around, we're on cycle 21 and still counting. Before that, it was seven cycles after my miscarriage that we got pregnant with Ryan - but I was pregnant for nearly 12 weeks and on hold for two months after my miscarriage (even though I didn't faithfully heed my OB's advice to wait). Before that, it was seven cycles of actual trying. But, really, we've been trying since August of 2003, even though many of those months were spent either pregnant or recovering from a recent pregnancy. How do I count that time? And, with Ryan, I technically had a full-term baby, so is it fair for me to count those 40 weeks as "trying" time?

The stranger's question was straight-forward, but I didn't have an answer that was as uncomplicated. My response to her ended up being pretty generic: "A very long time." What else could I say? She didn't need me over-explaining our unusual situation, nor did I want to scare her off with the reality that trying to make a baby can take a long time for some couples.

After I got home from the drugstore, I decided I'd do a more precise calculation of how long we've been trying:

August 2003-January 2004: 7 cycles
February 2004-April 2004: pregnant
April 2004-June 2004: on hold, 2 cycles
June 2004-October 2004: 5 cycles
November 2004-August 2005: pregnant
August 2005-September 2005: post-partum recovery, 1 cycle
September 2005-present: 21 cycles

So, by my estimation, we've been trying for 33 cycles, we've been on hold for 3 cycles, and we've been pregnant approximately 51 weeks (whatever that equates to in terms of monthly cycles).

Yes, it has been a very long time. And now I wonder if there truly is an end in sight, or if I'll only ever be tabulating instead of celebrating.