Caution: Broken-down woman ahead

We're back from a birthday dinner for one of Mike's former co-workers, and I feel like someone kicked me in the gut ... repeatedly.

Why, you may ask?

Well, there was a newborn at the table ... I mean, the makeshift table that consisted of several tables squeezed together to accommodate the entire party. And, since we were the last guests to arrive, where do you think the only open seats were?

If you guessed next to the baby, you would be right.

For fuck's sake, who did I piss off today to have THAT happen?

I tried stifling my tears the entire time, but it was useless. I was desperate to dull my aching and longing for my own little boy, so I succumbed to a tall, stiff drink - a Long Island iced tea, to be exact - but even that couldn't quell the tremendous amount of sadness that emerged once I saw that little one.

I tried to suck in my tears and force the lump in my throat back down into the pit of my stomach, but my emotions were stronger than my will to not let them show, and before I could do anything to stop it, I had tears streaming down my face in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

I'm sure the birthday girl didn't expect that little surprise. It's rather doubtful that we'll have any social invitations extended to us any time soon after my little public breakdown. Really, who wants to deal with that - or even worry about whether or not they'll have to deal with it.

Of course, the other thing that made it nearly impossible to contain my emotions, was that seeing that mom with her baby made me feel like a complete and utter failure as a mother and a woman.

Even though I know no one at the party was talking about our "situation," the awkwardness of the moment made me paranoid that that was exactly what people were doing. I couldn't stop fidgeting. I nervously dug in my purse, looking for anything to distract me from the pain and sorrow that had once again found me.

It was one of those horrible moments that sent me into an unexpected tailspin, and there was nothing that could prevent it.

P.S. I don't know about the rest of you Bloggers, but this "new" Blogger is for the birds. Once again I say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Just cuz something is old doesn't mean it doesn't work and needs updating to something that's more problematic and confusing, but offered under the guise of being "better."