Vindication

Just before I walked out of my job last month, I had a verbal exchange with one of my co-workers who was complaining about being awakened by his newborn at 3 in the morning.

The conversation didn't start out as a baby discussion; in fact, it started out as a compliment to me and how "together" I always looked when I marched into work each morning. So, he jokingly said that I must get up hours before work in order to "pretty myself up" for the day. I explained that I hopped out of bed a mere hour and half before work's starting time and didn't put all that much thought or energy into getting myself ready for the day, which was true.

He rolled his eyes and then said, "I wish I could sleep that much, but I'm up at 3 every fucking morning." Then he laughed.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to comment further, but I did. So, I replied, "You know, before you complain about having to be up at 3 in the morning, you might want to consider your audience, because some people would kill to be awakened in the middle of the night for the reason you're griping about."

He didn't say a word, but the look on his face spoke volumes.

With that, I turned and marched back to my work area, feeling somewhat better that I finally called someone out on an insensitive remark made about children in my presence.

I've grown weary of putting up a tough exterior when I'm bombarded by senseless comments like that. I realize, that had Ryan lived, Mike and I would've played up to the doting parent role as much as any new parent. But, I know we would've been humble enough and respectful enough not to go overboard, since you never know what horrors someone within earshot has undergone. He and I had already experienced our own losses and understood how emotionally debilitating it is to have the good news of others constantly rubbed in your face.

Even while pregnant with Ryan, I sometimes tried to hide my swollen belly because I didn't want to make anyone feel badly that I was happily pregnant, when so many other couples struggle to bring a child home. And now that I am one-half of a struggling, childless couple, it hurts that much more when people make tactless remarks such as my co-worker's. It would be like a newly married woman going on and on and ON about her fairytale wedding while within earshot of a newly widowed woman. It cuts you to the core.

I'm certainly not suggesting that people should harness their jubilation over the joys in their life, but there's no need to go overboard, and a little bit of tact can go a long way in saving a hurting soul's feelings.

I know that most people don't set out to harm others through hurtful talk or insensitive actions, but that doesn't prevent it from happening anyway. I just wish people would give a little more thought to what words spill from their mouths before it's too late. Once you've said it, you can't take it back and no apology is sincere enough to heal the invisible wound that's been reopened by inconsiderate words.

P.S. Even though the initial conversation with my co-worker had been side-tracked by my abrupt reply, I did thank him for his kind compliment on my appearance and demeanor at the start of each work day. I was flattered that someone noticed and thought enough of me to share their thoughts.