Ryan was here ...



My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.


Friday, November 11, 2005

Sweet dreams

After the last few fitful days I've had, where my sleep time has been as uneasy as my awake time, it was quite relieving to have a good night's sleep that was accompanied by pleasant dreams of being blessed with another baby.

Yes, a healthy baby that's here with me and not up in the heavens.

I dreamt that Mike and I were sitting in a room at the birthing center - the same place where I had Ryan - and in my dream, I was a nervous wreck at the thought of holding my baby girl for the first time. I was scared that something was wrong with her and that the doctors didn't take enough time to check her for problems. Mike was beaming and just kept squeezing my hand, reassuring me that our little girl was really perfect and healthy and that no one was going to take her away from us.

Then the door to my room slowly opened and my nurse walked in holding our baby girl. The nurse gently placed her in my cradled arms, careful not to disturb my little girl's slumber. She continued to sleep contently and was unaware of my or her daddy's presence and how we gently caressed her cheeks, head and hands. Mike and I just sat there with ear-to-ear grins, watching as this beautiful creature slept peacefully, without a care in the world. ...

I don't remember much else from this dream, but it was the overall feeling of joy, happiness and comfort that stayed with me more than the specifics.

The timing of this dream was perfect, too, since the days leading up to it were the shittiest by far and I really needed to have something positive to hold on to. I even woke up with a smile on my face!

Finally ... a breath of fresh air!

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