Ryan was here ...



My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

DO talk to strangers

If someone had told me yesterday morning that I'd have a conversation about trying to conceive (TTC) in the middle of a drugstore with a complete stranger, I'd have told that someone they were nuts!

But this actually did end up happening yesterday, oddly enough ...

I had to stop at the drugstore to pick up some prescriptions, as well as essentials, but my intent was for this stop to be a quick, in-and-out sort of thing. I had a very specific list of what I needed to do after work and my well-thought-out journey didn't include time spent browsing through the make-up section or rummaging through the clearance bins. After leaving there, my plan was to do major food shopping, tend to the watering of the yard, take the dog for a walk, and get dinner rolling before Mike got home from work.

I hustled through the drugstore, stopping only in the aisles that contained items on my list. The last item on my list was an ovulation predictor kit (OPK), and the aisle containing "family planning" needs is just around the corner from the prescription pick-up, so it made perfect sense to pick up my OPKs and just cruise over to the prescription counter to get my meds and pay for my other items.

As I was grabbing a box of OPKs from the store shelf, I hear this little voice behind me ask if they really work. Surprised, I turn around to see who had asked me this unusual question.

Standing there was a black woman in her mid-30s, who truly looked interested in knowing if the OPKs I was holding really worked or if they were just a marketing gimmick.

I decided to answer her question as truthfully as I could from my own past experiences: "I think they work. They helped me get my baby boy!" I stated excitedly.

The stranger's eyes got wide and her curiosity had definitely been piqued. She explained that she and her husband have been trying to start a family for three years, she's suffered two miscarriages, all of the testing she and her husband have had done came back normal, and now her doctor had prescribed Clomid, a fertility drug to induce ovulation, hoping to finally make them parents.

I told her how the OPKs worked for me when I took Clomid last year when I conceived Ryan, and how it was especially useful and helpful since my ovulation was delayed by taking the Clomid. Then I filled her in on how helpful it is to temp and chart and what signs to look for from your body to know if the timing is right. She was grateful that I had mentioned these little tips since no one had ever told her how all of these tips can work together and be successful in baby-making. For the next 20 minutes or so, this stranger and I stood in the family planning section, swapping stories from the TTC trenches and sharing TTC tips we've picked up along the way.

We reached a point in our conversation where she asked about Ryan, not knowing he was a full-term baby, assuming he was a miscarriage as my first two pregnancies were. Once I explained what happened to him, a wave of sadness washed over her face and her eyes swelled with tears. For a moment, I regretted telling her about losing Ryan, since I never want to make people sad by talking about him. But, I wanted to give her hope and to know that she wasn't alone in feeling the way she does about trying to start a family, wondering if the gift will ever be given to them.

She immediately expressed how sorry she was to hear about Ryan and wished me and Mike the best of luck the next time around. She was sad that Ryan didn't make it, but I explained that he was a strong little guy and he fought so hard to stay here with us, but his defects were just a little bit stronger than he was. I told her how happy I was to have had him for those two precious days and that because of him, Mike and I wanted to try to give Ryan a brother or sister.

As we said our goodbyes, she thanked me for all the helpful TTC tips that she was excited to try to increase her chances of sustaining any future pregnancies.

Before she turned away to return to her life and I to mine, she smiled and said, "God bless you."

"You, too," I said.

It was the first time I really stopped to think about what those words meant. Yes, God has blessed me.

And, despite my 20-minute TTC detour, I managed to complete the rest of my errands and chores and had a hot dinner waiting for my dear husband.

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