Confessions of a shitty blogger
Yeah, that would be me.
I'm embarrassed, to say the least, that I haven't been blogging with any regularity in the last few months. I try to - I do - but I either have severe writers' block and freeze the instant my fingers rest on the keyboard ... or I just can't bring myself to write about the things bouncing around in my head.
And, I wish I could use the excuse of, "I'm busy with a new baby and my life is nothing but bliss," but that's not really it, either. I wish that were the reason, rather than the actual one: that I'm going through a very rough patch. Again.
I'm sure many people would think that life must be grand for me now that Megan's here, but the contrary is what's true. I finally have the beautiful little girl I've dreamed of and longed for, and I'm not happy. Leave it to me to spoil even the purest of things in life.
I miss Ryan like I never have before. My heart hurts so much, and I really don't believe that time is capable of healing all wounds. Some just cut too deep to ever fully heal, and all it takes is one little scratch for the pain to start all over again.
Will it ever end? Will I ever have peace?
I'm embarrassed, to say the least, that I haven't been blogging with any regularity in the last few months. I try to - I do - but I either have severe writers' block and freeze the instant my fingers rest on the keyboard ... or I just can't bring myself to write about the things bouncing around in my head.
And, I wish I could use the excuse of, "I'm busy with a new baby and my life is nothing but bliss," but that's not really it, either. I wish that were the reason, rather than the actual one: that I'm going through a very rough patch. Again.
I'm sure many people would think that life must be grand for me now that Megan's here, but the contrary is what's true. I finally have the beautiful little girl I've dreamed of and longed for, and I'm not happy. Leave it to me to spoil even the purest of things in life.
I miss Ryan like I never have before. My heart hurts so much, and I really don't believe that time is capable of healing all wounds. Some just cut too deep to ever fully heal, and all it takes is one little scratch for the pain to start all over again.
Will it ever end? Will I ever have peace?
posted by Sherry @ 11/24/2008 08:45:00 PM
5 Comments:
At November 24, 2008 10:20 PM,
msfitzita said…
I don't know from experience, but I think everything you've said is normal - and I bet that's what people who have gone on to have another child after the death of their first (or second - or whatever) are going to tell you when they comment after me.
Be kind to yourself. Sorrow never goes away.
((((((HUGS))))))
At November 25, 2008 10:14 AM,
Catherine said…
It's got to be hard for you because now you are living daily with the knowledge of what might have been. It's hard, straddling the two worlds, I know. I wish I had magic words for you. I am beginning to think that the rest of my life is just going to be a series of smooth and rough patches. But that's probably not what you want to hear, huh? :o)
At November 25, 2008 11:58 AM,
Scrappy_Lady said…
I'm so sorry you're having a tough time, Sherry. Comparing your experiences with Ryan and Megan must be so hard. Daily, you're reminded of what could have been.
The concept of loving both children differently, but equally, has got to be extra hard for you.
All my love and support to you, Sherry. ((hugs))
At November 26, 2008 11:37 AM,
Margaret said…
Ah Sherry, I'm so sorry. But it makes complete sense to me. The loss must feel so much deeper now that you can see and feel and touch what might have been.
Just keep taking it one day at a time, smile when you are happy and cry when you are sad.
Thinking of you and yours and wishing you some peace and joy for the holidays.
At November 28, 2008 12:28 PM,
Doodle - said…
(((((SHERRY)))))
I will never know the sorrow or pain that you are feeling, but from my point of view, I can see how NOW would be harder than ever before.
I pray you find some peace.
Post a Comment
<< Home