Kinda-sorta patiently waiting and musing
Since my rented doppler arrived last Friday, I've been markedly calmer. There is something absolutely soothing about hearing your growing baby's heartbeat coming from inside you. The amount of reassurance it offers is immeasurable.
Wednesday marked 11 weeks for the little gummy bear, and as insignificant a milestone that may be for some, it was a biggie for me, since other than Ryan, my other pregnancies were finished by 11 weeks - one of them at 5 weeks. So, knowing we made it that far with a very strong heartbeat set my mind at ease ever-so-slightly once again. I know I'm technically not out of woods till the end of the first trimester, but this is a good start for me.
I never realized it would be so insanely difficult to find a therapist that was trained to handle PTSD and was part of my insurance plan. After receiving five referrals, four of which weren't part of my insurance plan and one who was too busy to see me, I decided that looking for someone to talk to was actually causing me more undue stress. Seemed a bit counter-productive to me, so I've stopped looking for now.
In the comments section of my last post, someone mentioned about taking anti-depressants and how there are many that are safe to take during pregnancy. I was on Prozac during my pregnancy with Ryan, because my OB felt it was better that I was less stressed. He was right - I know that - but since nothing definitive was ever attributed to be the cause of Ryan's heart defects, I'm hesitant to take as much as a Tylenol. Seriously. In my mind anything could've caused his heart problems, and I'm just not willing to put anything unnecessary into my body - at least not during the first trimester. After that, I might, if I still feel the same anxiety I felt a few weeks ago.
On Sunday, I'll have less than 200 days to go till meeting this little one. Well, that's if I were to go full term, which isn't happening. So, I guess I'm technically already under the less-than-200-days threshold, since we'll hopefully meet this one around 38 weeks, which is 27 weeks away, which puts me at around 189 days left. (I can rationalize practically anything when I really want to.)
I'm already wearing maternity clothes! I honestly didn't believe the people who said, "Everything happens sooner with subsequent pregnancies." Apparently so, because I have a definite bump going on, and regular pants just don't fit anymore. Too bad it's so hard for short and chubby moms-to-be to find maternity clothes, because for me, shopping has been anything but fun. But, I have enough to get through this pregnancy and that's all that matters. There's that teeny part of me that wanted to save the tags though - you know, just in case things didn't work out.
As much as I'm beginning to embrace this pregnancy, I'm also feeling terrible that Ryan was gypped the way he was. I know I can't change what happened to him, but I still feel awful about it every single day, and my heart aches when I remember that he won't be here to meet his little brother or sister. I hate how unfair the world is.
My next OB appointment is Tuesday, and I'm sure Mike will be a pro at guiding the OB with doppler, pointing out exactly where gummy bear's current residence is. After that, God willing, my ultrascreen appointment is on November 29. I'm sure the anxiety will be up a few notches before that appointment, but I think that's only natural. Right?
Mike made our first purchase for the gummy bear: A cute vintage puppet he won off of eBay. He had several Henry stuffed dogs (made by Animal Fair) when he was young, and all of them are still sitting on Ryan's toy chest, so we added this new addition to the current collection. I really, really hope we get to use the puppet; I can almost hear the excited little giggles a baby would let out at the sight of such a silly toy being controlled by an insanely happy and goofy parent.
Wednesday marked 11 weeks for the little gummy bear, and as insignificant a milestone that may be for some, it was a biggie for me, since other than Ryan, my other pregnancies were finished by 11 weeks - one of them at 5 weeks. So, knowing we made it that far with a very strong heartbeat set my mind at ease ever-so-slightly once again. I know I'm technically not out of woods till the end of the first trimester, but this is a good start for me.
I never realized it would be so insanely difficult to find a therapist that was trained to handle PTSD and was part of my insurance plan. After receiving five referrals, four of which weren't part of my insurance plan and one who was too busy to see me, I decided that looking for someone to talk to was actually causing me more undue stress. Seemed a bit counter-productive to me, so I've stopped looking for now.
In the comments section of my last post, someone mentioned about taking anti-depressants and how there are many that are safe to take during pregnancy. I was on Prozac during my pregnancy with Ryan, because my OB felt it was better that I was less stressed. He was right - I know that - but since nothing definitive was ever attributed to be the cause of Ryan's heart defects, I'm hesitant to take as much as a Tylenol. Seriously. In my mind anything could've caused his heart problems, and I'm just not willing to put anything unnecessary into my body - at least not during the first trimester. After that, I might, if I still feel the same anxiety I felt a few weeks ago.
On Sunday, I'll have less than 200 days to go till meeting this little one. Well, that's if I were to go full term, which isn't happening. So, I guess I'm technically already under the less-than-200-days threshold, since we'll hopefully meet this one around 38 weeks, which is 27 weeks away, which puts me at around 189 days left. (I can rationalize practically anything when I really want to.)
I'm already wearing maternity clothes! I honestly didn't believe the people who said, "Everything happens sooner with subsequent pregnancies." Apparently so, because I have a definite bump going on, and regular pants just don't fit anymore. Too bad it's so hard for short and chubby moms-to-be to find maternity clothes, because for me, shopping has been anything but fun. But, I have enough to get through this pregnancy and that's all that matters. There's that teeny part of me that wanted to save the tags though - you know, just in case things didn't work out.
As much as I'm beginning to embrace this pregnancy, I'm also feeling terrible that Ryan was gypped the way he was. I know I can't change what happened to him, but I still feel awful about it every single day, and my heart aches when I remember that he won't be here to meet his little brother or sister. I hate how unfair the world is.
My next OB appointment is Tuesday, and I'm sure Mike will be a pro at guiding the OB with doppler, pointing out exactly where gummy bear's current residence is. After that, God willing, my ultrascreen appointment is on November 29. I'm sure the anxiety will be up a few notches before that appointment, but I think that's only natural. Right?
Mike made our first purchase for the gummy bear: A cute vintage puppet he won off of eBay. He had several Henry stuffed dogs (made by Animal Fair) when he was young, and all of them are still sitting on Ryan's toy chest, so we added this new addition to the current collection. I really, really hope we get to use the puppet; I can almost hear the excited little giggles a baby would let out at the sight of such a silly toy being controlled by an insanely happy and goofy parent.
posted by Sherry @ 11/16/2007 05:44:00 PM
1 Comments:
At November 16, 2007 9:34 PM,
nault's nook said…
Oh sweetie I am so happy to hear that everything is going so well! I know how important it is to hit those milestones. You will continue to be in my prayers!! ((HUGS))
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