"It's a boy!"

Those were the words I heard a year ago at our Level II ultrasound, confirming the earliest of Mike's hunches that our little Peanut was a boy.

From that ultrasound, too, we were told that our baby was completely healthy - there was nothing to worry about and we could put any fears to rest. "Completely healthy," by what definition, is what I wonder to this very day.

I'm at least glad the technician was right about who had been taking up residence in my ever-expanding belly, and that we could now refer to "him" as such, instead of as just "baby" or "it." We were really torn about knowing the baby's gender, but we wanted to be prepared for his or her arrival. We wanted to have the room decorated in the right colors. There were trains, cars, planes, blue stuffed animals, and other toys for boys. We wanted to have gender-specific outfits. And, we wanted to know for certain that the name we had mulled over for weeks was indeed the one we wanted to bestow upon this precious little soul about to enter our life.

I also remember how foreign it seemed to me that there was a boy growing inside of me, penis and all. I'm a girly-girl by most definitions, so it seemed impossible to believe that anything masculine could come from someone as prissy as myself. In my mind, it seemed to make more sense that with me being a woman, only girly things could be made by me. Obviously I was very wrong about that assumption!

But, then I realized that I was chosen to be a little boy's mother. God had a very specific reason for sending us a boy, so I stopped questioning His decision. Once I accepted that logic as being His will, I fully embraced the very special gift of my son. And, of course, Mike was ecstatic that there would be another boy in the house - a real lil Mikey! And everything I did and bought for our "Mr. Peanut" reflected that acceptance and anticipation of his grand entrance.

I wish that right now I was filled with that same excitement and glee of a year ago. I miss it so terribly much, and hope I'll be lucky enough to feel that joy once again someday ...