Making plans

Yesterday was an especially difficult day for me emotionally since it would've been my dear friend's little boy's first birthday and it was Ryan's seven-month birthday, so receiving the news about being declined for life insurance was almost the straw that broke the camel's back. I don't know that I could've gotten any angrier with the world.

Luckily, Mike already receives life insurance through his employer and it's decent - but not substantial enough, in Mike's opinion - if something were to happen to him. He wants to be certain that if, God forbid, something happens to him, I won't have any worries and I'll be taken care of. He's been talking about this a lot lately, and the topic first came up shortly after Ryan died. I guess it's somewhat natural to think about your own demise and how it would affect those around you, wanting to do all you can in advance to spare your loved ones from having to make decisions they don't want to make at a time when they feel their worst.

I hate these sad discussions, but I know they're a necessity. It won't do any good to avoid talking about the inevitable; we're going to die, whether our life is in order or not, so why not at least plan ahead.

Part of our New Year's resolutions was to better plan for our future, i.e., investments, life insurance, retirement, wills, and medical directives. We both agreed that life insurance was the best place to start and seemed to be the most responsible step in protecting the interests of the surviving spouse.

Life insurance applications are never easy, regardless of how healthfully you live your life. Unfortunately, there can be matters which are out of your control and should not be counted against you when being considered for insurance.

That being said, how on earth could someone refuse us coverage, listing the main reason for refusal as anxiety that was caused by our son's death? We didn't ask for that to happen, believe me! And, if we sought out help in the form of medication and therapy to better deal with that horrible anxiety, how can that count as a red mark against us?

Once again, as with most other things in my life, I just don't get it.

Mike and I are both still so furious and sad over this decision that we've decided to have a lawyer handle filing an appeal. We are too close to the situation and emotional over a decision where, at times, it would seem easier to just scrawl, "FUCK YOU AND YOUR DAMNED INSURANCE COMPANY!" on a piece of paper and send it on its way. Since that obviously wouldn't tilt the odds in our favor, it's our hope that a lawyer could accomplish that, and, with some possible compromise on both sides, we can resolve this to the point that we will be approved and everyone will be satisfied with the outcome. Plus, honestly, no one can afford to ever be blacklisted by an insurance company - especially at our ages - so we need to do something about this preposterous decision.

I'm still upset, too, because here we are once again, trying to do the right thing by protecting our future, and we have yet another door slammed in our faces. I would just like to be a responsible adult - as I'm always told I should be and try my hardest to be - and not have a situation blow up in my face.

Is that really too much to ask?