"Have you talked with anyone?"
I've had more than a few people ask me this question lately, referring to whether I have talked with a bereavement counselor.
I'm getting a little paranoid here since so many people have asked me this question, worded almost the same way.
I think I'm doing okay. It's seven months since Ryan died, and I'm able to function. I get out of bed every morning and go to work. I make dinner most evenings. I keep our household running smoothly. I haven't withdrawn from my friends or family. And I even manage to laugh once in a while.
I think that's pretty damn good, all things considered.
So, why do people keep asking me if I need to talk to someone? Are they seeing something that I don't see? Do they expect me to be acting differently than I do?
Or, is this question thrown at me because the people in my life don't know what else to say to me? Are they so uncomfortable with the situation at hand that that's all they can think of to say? Is it a way to fill what they perceive to be an uncomfortable silence - or a way to talk about "that" without really bringing "it" up?
Yes, my baby boy died. I'm sad about it and a part of me will always be sad. I miss him and want him back, but that doesn't mean I need help. It just means that my life was turned upside down and I'm trying to put the pieces back together. What more can I do?
I'm getting a little paranoid here since so many people have asked me this question, worded almost the same way.
I think I'm doing okay. It's seven months since Ryan died, and I'm able to function. I get out of bed every morning and go to work. I make dinner most evenings. I keep our household running smoothly. I haven't withdrawn from my friends or family. And I even manage to laugh once in a while.
I think that's pretty damn good, all things considered.
So, why do people keep asking me if I need to talk to someone? Are they seeing something that I don't see? Do they expect me to be acting differently than I do?
Or, is this question thrown at me because the people in my life don't know what else to say to me? Are they so uncomfortable with the situation at hand that that's all they can think of to say? Is it a way to fill what they perceive to be an uncomfortable silence - or a way to talk about "that" without really bringing "it" up?
Yes, my baby boy died. I'm sad about it and a part of me will always be sad. I miss him and want him back, but that doesn't mean I need help. It just means that my life was turned upside down and I'm trying to put the pieces back together. What more can I do?
posted by Sherry @ 3/14/2006 12:45:00 AM
2 Comments:
At March 13, 2006 10:07 PM,
msfitzita said…
I think people ask because they want to make sure that they're doing all they can for you when it feels to them like they're doing precious little. People don't always realize that just being there - making yourself available - is all that's needed.
They may also have noticed that you're not the same person you used to be. They haven't figured out that you never will be that person again. You could talk until you're blue in the face, but you'll never be the same person you once were again.
But that's okay. As long as you're coping and feeling like you're getting a handle on the new person you are and the new life you're living, that's all you need to do.
I think you'll know if you need additional help, but in my opinion, you're doing just fine.
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
At March 14, 2006 12:09 PM,
kate said…
I agree with Kristin, and yes you are doing damned well. I do think that people expect us to be 'not sad anymore' after a certain (ridiculously short) amount of time and that might be what you are encountering. I think you will know when you need to talk with 'someone'.
I started seeing a counselor around 6 months after Nicolas died, not so much for help with my grief but because i was becoming overwhelmed by daily life. She didn't help much, but it did help just to have someone focus on *me* for an hour, and give me an additional place to vent. I didn't go for very long. I do think that the right counselor can make all the difference.
Post a Comment
<< Home