Ryan was here ...



My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.


Thursday, February 09, 2006

Tears from Heaven

Several years ago while I was talking to a friend via telephone, it began to snow, which isn't a regular occurrence in North Carolina winters. My friend on the other end of the line mentioned how her three-year-old little girl one day announced that snowflakes were angel tears and anyone who is "cried" upon is blessed. At the time, I thought the little girl's notion was absolutely adorable and I marveled at the little one's quick mind and innocent rationale to describe my favorite type of precipitation.

This morning I woke up to realize that it's Ryan's half-year birthday. It's been half a year since my world forever changed? Some days I just don't know how it's possible that six months - or approximately 183 days - have passed since August 9th.

As I was still trying to process and understand how much time had passed since my Beloved Angel graced the earth, I decided it was time to get myself moving and started down the stairs to the kitchen.

When I was just two steps from the bottom, I looked out the crescent-shaped window of our front door and couldn't believe my eyes.

It was snowing.

And, these weren't just teeny flurries that you have to squint to see. They were the kind that you can easily catch on your hand, where you can see their beautiful, intricate pattern for a few seconds before they melt away, becoming just an ordinary drop of water.

I drew the blinds wide open on our back door and stepped out onto the porch. It was still rather dark, but the scene was absolutely beautiful. It was so quiet and still except for the soft sound the flakes made as they landed in the grass and tickled the limbs of the naked trees. I stood by the tree we planted in Ryan's memory, and that's when the "angel tears" story popped back into my mind.

I immediately grabbed my camera because I want to forever remember how it looked to see Ryan's little tree being blessed with angel tears. I looked up at the sky, wished Ryan a happy half-year birthday, and said a little prayer in that peaceful and beautiful moment.

I stood beside Ryan's tree for a few minutes, hoping and praying that the shower of angel tears raining down upon both of us contained some of my own Angel's tears, sending some blessings his mommy's way.

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3 Comments:

  • At February 09, 2006 1:44 PM, Blogger Denise said…

    Your post sent a little shiver down my spine. I hope that each snowflake did shower you with blessings. That is a beautiful/peaceful picture.

     
  • At February 09, 2006 11:22 PM, Blogger msfitzita said…

    ((((((HUGS))))) to you today - I know it was a very, very hard one. I'm so glad Ryan showered you with his beautiful angel tears this morning. He's a very good little boy indeed. :)

    I'm so glad our boys share an angel day - it makes me so happy to think that they have each other and that this date is special for both of them.

     
  • At February 14, 2006 10:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You dont know me, but your beautiful writing of your son brought tears to my eyes. God, I am sorry you are missing your son. May your life be blessed again.
    Your words have touched my heart. I will forever think of your angel....

     

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