Ryan was here ...



My not-so-sweet nothings, mostly comprised of my feelings at losing my two-day-old son, Ryan David, to congenital heart defects, and to celebrate the arrival of Ryan's healthy little sister, Megan Elizabeth, and hopefully welcome another little miracle into our brood in July 2010.


Friday, February 10, 2006

The Boo

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This is Toby, aka "Boo-Boo," aka "Boober," aka, "Hound Dog." (Feel free to make up a nickname on the fly, and he's bound to respond in his typical laid-back and loving manner.)

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Toby was puppy number five out of five - "brown boy" - from Sasha's only litter, which was born February 26, 1997. Sasha's breeding was well planned and prepared. She had x-rays performed to assess the condition of her hips and to check for any hereditary anomalies. She had a thorough eye exam with a canine ophthalmologist. (Bet you didn't know such a person existed!) It wasn't the most romantic of conceptions, but it yielded five healthy and kind-hearted puppies - almost perfect carbon copies of their sweet mother.

My ex and I helped Sasha deliver her litter and it was during that beautiful moment, seeing the best nature had to offer, that I became convinced that I wanted to be a mother one day.

Aside from the birth of my beloved son, participating in the birth of Toby and his littermates was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. It is a memory I will always treasure and hold dear to my heart.

Toby was the only puppy from the litter that my ex and I kept, although, parting with the other four was much more difficult than I had anticipated. We had celebrated all sorts of milestones during the ten weeks we had the entire litter, so seeing it slowly dwindle down, one by one, was heart-breaking.

When my ex and I divorced in 1999, it was decided that I would take Sasha and he would take Toby. It broke my heart to part with Toby and break up the mother/son tag team, but, at the time, I felt it was best for everyone involved.

During the last six years, my ex gave me occasional updates on Toby, but I had resigned myself to never seeing him again; that was the unfortunate reality of divorce that I had accepted. But, to my surprise, my ex had to give up Toby and offered him to me, saying it was only fair since I helped to bring Toby into the world.

The timing of my ex's offer was unexpected and awkward, as it had been just three months since Ryan's birth and death, and I wasn't sure that I was ready just yet for the devotion it takes to be a dog owner. Mike and I had made the painful decision to put Sasha down back in March due to her failing health, but we had agreed to get another dog once Ryan had arrived.

Well, Ryan had arrived and the agreement was to get another dog, and I'm a woman of my word.

Toby's homecoming was bittersweet, but I am so glad he became a part of my life again. Coming home to that smiling face on some of my more weary days keeps me going and hoping for better days ahead. Receiving Toby's sloppy kisses on my nose and his slobbery toys for a game of fetch remind me what unconditional love is all about.

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